Going through the book... 26 days left.

Ok, so now since I do have a bunch of notice for Piper's surgery, I thought to go through the binder the hospital gave us thoroughly now. It's laid out nicely as questions, so I can really think through everything and think of some questions of my own.

I've chopped up the section "If your child needs surgery" into 25 chunks, so I can write a bit every day (or will try to!). This is for me just as much as you. I find when I talk about all of this with people, they think of just as many questions as I have, and I don't know all the answers either. So this way, I can hopefully get everything covered. Here we go!

Will we get to meet the surgical team?:

This one I know the answer to already, and yes, we will. On the Monday (Feb 1), for the pre-op meeting, we will meet all of the staff that will be operating on and with Piper. I hope this meeting with be helpful. I hate the mystery of passing off my baby and not really knowing who she is with and what they are doing. This is meant to dispel some of that so we all feel a bit more comfortable.

At this meeting we will all go over why they are performing this surgery, the risks and benefits, what the procedure involves and how long the hospital stay will be.

This will be the time when we will sign some papers. Eek. What will they say? Will there be a part for liability and an "oups" portion? Will I be signing away Piper's life to the hands of these, though highly trained and skilled people, they are still just people and fallible? Will there be a part that says "in the case of accidental death..."? I can't even really go there. I really can't think of that. I have to admit the chance is there, but I can not focus on that. That is where the next part comes in:

What is an "informed consent"?:

This is admitting we know and understand the risks involved and that we understand the reason for the surgery and that we agree to have the surgery done.

I hope this isn't too much emotionally. I have no idea. I vaguely remember signing something during labour, maybe for an epideral? but that was so strange and foggy and my mind wasn't really even on this planet. This time we will need to fully read everything, looking out for anything that we don't understand.

I know the hospital/surgeons aren't trying to hood-wink us with anything, I do just want to feel as though I am well informed, hence, wanting to give my full consent.

The only part that worries me here, is that if anything negative were to happen, I might feel as though I let it. I know my options are great otherwise, but I might still end up feeling responsible. This too, I have to give up and just know that God has much steadier hands than those surgeons, anesthetists and nurses.

Ok. So the countdown begins.

Piper got shot #2 for her RSV and it went pretty well. This was the first time she cried a little before they actually poked her. That part is a little sad. Otherwise, she recovered really well, nice and fast. She's had no reaction to the shots, which is great. And every time we go in there and see all the other sick babies, I am reminded of how good we have it. She has no ventilator, or no IV strapped on or no deformation. Really, she is perfect. They are just trying to make her even more so.

We've got a DATE!

Ok, so it's almost 12pm and I am still in my jammies, and I just ate breakfast. Yes, it's been one of those mornings. Busy.

I was awoken at 9:15am by the phone ringing (note: I am not usually sleeping still at this time, but Piper was playing nicely in her bed, so was taking whatever sleep I could get!). In my head I figured it was Matt calling, as it was his break time, so I let it ring and tried to call Matt on my cell phone (the phone that is by my bed. I was not up for bolting out of bed, no glasses on, almost passing out due to the blood-rush in my head and slipping on the laundry, then officially passing out. No. I let it ring.)

Calling Matt, he told me that he didn't try to call, so I figured now was a good time to get out of bed. Seeing on the call display it was "CHLDRN&WMEN HLT", I knew that someone from the BCCH had called. I checked the messages and the surgery booking lady left a message to call her back!

Now, I have played out this scenario in my head a few times. This was nothing like how I thought it would go. I hadn't talked to anyone much yet in the day, so I still had the morning voice, I was in my jammies, no breakfast in my tummy and my baby was running out of happy play time. Oh well.

I called her back right away and she told me that they had an immediate opening for a surgery date on the 12th of January.

What?? That is next Tuesday! Now, don't get excited yet, ok? The story goes on.

Ok, so she gets me all pumped for this surgery to happen on this coming Tuesday, and keeps telling me that it is nothing that has changed in Piper's status, it was just that a spot became open and her name came up and she was going to see if she could fill it. She was even calling other families already, but none of them picked up either (everyone was sleeping in today!).

I take down lots of notes and listen to everything she says, as my emotional-meter is going up and down and sideways. I'm on the verge of crying and laughing and peeing my pants.

She hangs up and I sit there and take a deep and kinda shaky breath. This was seeming crazy! For this time next week my baby could be recovering from an open-heart surgery? Yikes.

So I promptly start calling all the important people, still with this mix of emotions: ecstatic, scared, worried, impatient, nervous...

Anyways, as I am talking with my mother-in-law, I get a call from "CHLDRN&WMEN HLT", so I took it. It was the surgery booking lady telling me that there has been an emergency surgery that needs to have Piper's spot and bump- we go. She did give us a date of February 3rd, though, which helps.

That was just such a crazy ride, for all 75 minutes that it was. For a little while, my baby was going in for surgery so soon, and life was looking kinda hectic, but things were rolling and we'd be all done well before February, and then - bump- slow back down.

Really, I was happy to not have to wait so long and have this ball rolling so quickly; it would give me less time to worry and think about it too much. But even now, having more than 3 weeks to prep is still good. We can really plan out a few more things, and feel a little more in control of this whole hoop-di-la. It's just really hard having everything coming true for an instant and then, it's like reality kicks you in the gut and says "just kidding... you have to wait like the rest of the world". Right.

That is it, though. I do need to wait, and waiting is good in this instance and I can get a better grip on things.

Another dose of reality is that this bumping thing could happen again, and again and again. So let's say that there is a tentative surgery date of Feb 3rd. You know, just like next time I am due to have a baby, I am automatically tacking on an extra 2 weeks onto my "due" date, and not getting all caught up in the lateness of things, or the nothing-is-happening-on-time-ness. Bah.

I am deciding to just roll with it. That is my only option now anyways. This is a whole other month for Piper to get bigger and stronger and braver. Those are all good things. The surgery booking lady did say that Piper was a "priority 3", which I am assuming is the lowest, that is what the doctor told us, so there is no need for an emergency to rush in.

Half of me wishes I would have just continued sleeping in this morning. Then I wouldn't know what I could have had, and I might have still gotten a call telling us that Feb 3rd is "the" day, and I could really look forward to it without grunting "well, it was supposed to be sooner". (but still, I am so glad that it is not my baby who needs to be rushed into the OR with a surgery that needs to happen pronto... I think that would be more stressful than having my schedule look a little more messy due to some dates being scratches out) Boo-hooey. I should be glad that we finally have a day to count down to and that yes, this ball really is rolling and thing are happening.

And really... I am. God's giving us everything we need in His timing. I've just got to take a big breath and give it all up.

And don't get my wrong about the surgery-booking-lady (she does have a name, I just don't know how I feel about sharing their names with every body? Their privacy? I don't know...) is a lovely lady! She probably has the best and worst job ever. She does it with grace and I hold nothing against her... just in case it sounded like I did...

So the countdown is on. For now.

We go in February 1st (Monday) at 8:30am for a pre-op run-down of how things will go, and that appointment is about 3-4 hours and we meet the nurses and the anesthetist and the surgeon etc. And then on the 3rd (Wednesday), in the morning for the real dealio.

Here we go! I am not looking forward to this part of the adventure, but I suppose it is a necessary evil.

No date, as of yet

I've had a few people ask me lately if I've heard anything regarding a surgery date for Piper, and sadly, I've got no new info. I think this time next week, I will try calling the surgery-booking-lady at BCCH just to see where the list is at and whether or not I should start looking at things happening this month, or maybe I can relax for a while. Maybe this won't happen for a while! She could be much closer to 1 by the time this actually rolls around... who knows.

For now, Piper is getting closer to 8 months old and doesn't have a clue that her world will change a bit, in a little while.

She's had this cough now for almost 3 months, which seems kinda odd, so I think I might go back to the doctor this week just to see if she can hear anything new. I am fairly sure it bothers Piper, and I am certain it bothers me, as she will wake up from a dead sleep from that darn cough.

Her runny nose comes and goes, and at the moment, it is on its way to leaving, so I hope it stays that way.

In other news, we might have to think about lowering her crib soon, as she can pull herself up on it now. Ahk. She is quite proud of herself, too. She is trying her hardest to crawl, but those silly legs get in the way, but she is quite happy to be standing/walking (with my help of course), and quite good at it, too. She might just skip the crawling stage (which I really don't want... but there isn't much I can do about it). My life is on the cusp of some major changes... I can feel it! A mobile baby is much different than a cute, sitting one.

I have to keep reminding myself that mobility is freedom, too. Freedom for her to express her desires a bit more clearly, and to fulfill them, and a tiny bit of freedom for me, knowing she is where she wants to be. Hmmm... we'll see how that plays out.

More of the same

Well, this holiday season has been lovely. Truly.

I've seen all of my family and Matt's family and had a great time eating, laughing and sharing together.

But honestly... I am kinda glad it's over. Wow. I am more wiped than I've been in a long time (say, getting up there with post delivery fatigue).

I really don't want to end up complaining on here, but just letting you know... I am sure I am not the only one who is completely bagged from this holiday season.

Yesterday we had a lovely impromptu New Years with friends from out of town and it was nice and simple (we learned to play Bohnanza!). But once again, this baby of ours is sick sick sick. I don't think it is with the flu that Matt and I both got post-Christmas (oh, the joys), but it's more of the same stuffy nose, cough and general boo-hoo-ness. I am sure it is not helped by the two monster teeth that are slowly pushing their way through her top gums. They get really close, then they back up, then close again, then disappear. Not fun. She is drooling like crazy, pulling her ears and has a diaper rash. All leading to teething pain. And so, I am sure some of her runny nose etc is part of that, and just a little bit sick, too.

Taking care of a sick baby is not my most glorious moments as a parent. I am a little ashamed of my behavior at times. There are times when nothing is enough for her, and I can't seem to give her anything she wants (milk, food, play, interaction, sleep, change etc...), so I give up, walk away and have to calm down a bit. Luckily for me, Matt has been home this week, so he's been able to sweep in and rescue the poor child. Piper just needs to be worn in her sling some more and be nice and close. She'll play on her own for a bit, but not like normal.

Again though, like our flu, I am just so glad this is happening now and not when we had a hoard of people here. Piper was such a trooper the whole time during the holidays.

My sister did make a good point, in that Piper is probably also feeling the social-drainage/lethargy that comes after an intense few days of non-stop visiting. So I can't blame her for being a little high-maintenance.

It just feels for the last few days I have been wishing for a fairy Godmother who just swoops in and tells me exactly what to do in every situation; that there is always a right answer and that nothing is a guessing game anymore. Sometimes I do want someone else to take over and for me to just disappear into the floor. Are all of these decisions really up to just me and Matt? Yikes. That is kinda heavy when you think of it.

I suppose these feelings come and go in motherhood, it just feels as though they have been somewhat compressed as of late.

On the upside of things, the floors have now been washed in my house (total and complete victory!) and things are looking like they are almost getting back to normal.

This next week, Piper gets the second of her H1N1 shot and then her second RSV shot as well, only a day apart. She's a tough girl. She'll handle it like a pro. Mommy on the other hand, might need a spa day.

Regardless, 2010 is upon us and I feel it is filled with all sorts of uncharted territory! I wish you all the happiest of beginnings :)

Calm before the storm (in a good way!)

Just briefly...

My family starts arriving tomorrow. Gram first, then everyone else on Christmas day.

I am starting to feel a little bit stressed. You should really see my house. I'm not even joking, it almost looks as though it's been shaken upside down. Not good. I might have to work on that tonight. I pick Gram up early-ish tomorrow.

What have I signed myself up for?

Again, briefly: I am tired. I haven't been this tired since the "newborn" days. I don't know what it is, either a mix of Piper being sick/getting shots/teething and then a bit of stress in there, too, but I am seriously bagged. I don't think I've slept a continuous 4 hours in days now (I think that is how they torture people in some places!). Half of it is Piper waking up more in the night, and the other half is me not being able to sleep most of the time. Ahhhg!

This is making me old.

I am really am excited for Christmas, I just need to find some energy to really really feel it.

Wah-wah-wah for me. Sorry. I'm just going to have a very quiet melt-down in a minute...

I truly do wish you all the bestest of Christmases. It is an adventure every year.

Stickered up.

Poor child. Four shots in 2 days. Her little thighs are all poked. So far, she seems to be coping alright.

Yesterday she was given her 6 months shots (she missed them because she was sick last time) and then we H1N1 shot (dose #1). Anyways, nothing too exciting. No reaction, a little fussier at night time, and not eating as normally. She had a bit of a temperature this morning, but nothing crazy.

At noon today she received the first of 5 doses of her RSV shot. This was done at Surrey MH, at a special little clinic that they maybe hold on certain days? Not sure. The room the nurse put us in had little instruction posters up for oncology patients... Hmmmm...

We ended up waiting around in our little oncology room (which looked kinda like the room you deliver your baby in, but a little smaller. And there was an awesome lazy-boy in there that Piper got rocking on, and she thought that was pretty funny) for a while. Piper got weighed, and she had to be naked, as the medicine is dictated on weight. After 15 pounds, it is given in two needles, opposed to just one shot. She was a perfect 16 pounds (oh man, and I am feeling it!) so she had to get two needles. The kinda cool/crazy/sad/smart part is that they actually get two nurses to inject one needle each, one in each leg, at the same time. Really, it makes sense, it just looks like some strange form of torture.

Imagine, Piper is laying on a hospital bed, with me at her head, kinda restraining her arm, and then two nurses at the legs, each poised with a needle, hastily swabbing and unpacking things and glancing at each other as if to count "one, two, three?". I took a quick peek at the needles and there as a good amount of fluid in there! x2! Ya.

They injected the needles and Piper cried initially, as these shots actually took longer to inject as there was quite a large amount of stuff to go in. I've found that she is fairly easy to settle after it's all done. There were two new little sticky band-aids and we were good to go. (well, after waiting our 15 mins, of course)

Once I was home (Piper fell asleep the moment I put her in her car seat- no joke), I looked at the appointments coming up for her shots. It looks like this little girl will be getting 1-2 shots a month until she is a year old. Oh my. That kinda hit me.

Her next RSV shot has to be 21 days apart from this one, and then the subsequent ones are all 28 days apart. She also needs the second hit of her H1N1 shot, so, the first week in January, we'll be doing the same thing, with a few shots within a few days.

Alas, this is all the name of prevention. Wow. I guess we'll never really know if it's worth it, that's the funny part.

Well, that's not entirely true. We spent that one evening in the emergency room, and if she got the flu or RSV, it would be something like that, but much more serious. And I don't want to have to go through that again.

But we're home now, all well and happy. I bought a new baby Tylenol (grape!) and we should be good for the evening. As I am writing this, Piper is "baabaabaa, aaabababa, aa-waaa-ba"-ing with Matt in her bed, playing peek-a-boo and rolling around. They've just had a bath, which I think they would both admit is their favorite part of the day. I know it is for Matt (he told me so tonight), and Piper is just so content in the water, either lying down, or sitting up splashing or even sticking her tongue into the shower water. She really loves that water.

Anyways, this picture below is one of my favorites right now. Personally, I think Piper looks a lot like baby-me in this one, and I know she is so happy to be beside the Foos, both looking out the window watching the birds and cars. For the most part, she is a fairly happy baby, really. There are certainly days that aren't splendid, but I guess that's part of it.

I am realizing more and more, talking to more people with kids and life experience, that I am really a glass-half-full kind of mother, and person in general. Yes. And I am ok with that. I don't think that is me being naive to possible scenarios, or always trying to be blind to the negative things, I just think that there is enough garbage going on in our day-to-day lives that I don't need to stress over things that don't warrant it (ie. baby poop on my fingers, laundry coming out my ears, an ever-changing baby etc...).

Ok. Off to watch a show with Matty and Piper in the basement: she plays with her "downstairs toys" and we get a little entertainment in. It's usually a lovely way to spend an evening.

Family photos!

Here are some of the family portraits we had done by a friend of mine (karenhantke.com). I won't stop singing her praises:) These are only a few of the vertical ones to enjoy. We are so happy with all of them. The film one's are coming and I can't wait to see them! I"ll have to get one framed. But then I would have to narrow it down to one! Ahk!

Enjoy!

ps. Piper still has a sniffly nose, which usually requires a morning swooshing with a saline solution. But then she is usually ok for the rest of the day. She was up so often last night, just coughing like crazy. I think it was hard for her to be horizontal, as everything just wants to come up. This might be a combo of cough+teething, which isn't great.

Oh well, we'll see how today goes! Yesterday she napped for almost 3 hours (unheard of, really), so I think she might actually be sick and just needs more rest. Today as well, she is napping longer than usual, so maybe her body is trying to get as much as possible when it can. Hmmm...

Still, she has her 6 months shots tomorrow, and I'm not sure if they'll let her have them. The RSV nurse at BCCH said that she usually still will if there is a runny nose, and just gets a second opinion from a Dr if there is a fever. Piper doesn't have a fever, just a mean ol' cough.

Poor kiddie. I just want to get these vaccinations over with! I am sure she doesn't mind avoiding them for as long as possible.

We'll see how tomorrow goes! Maybe I'll try calling the clinic...

Happy Tuesday!