Dealing.

I find myself concerned about Piper's health more these days. I really don't want to be, and I honestly feel like I don't need to be. But I am. I'm her mom. I guess it's my job.

Timing is everything, I guess. November never feels like a great month for me. Maybe I feel a little more hit by this new news just due to the timing.

If I am really honest with myself, I am secretly screaming inside that I don't want to do surgery again. Everevereverever again. As much as I glorify the experience we had, I don't want to do it again. I just don't (insert pouty face here).

I need to keep telling myself the same thing I keep telling other people: there is a chance this might not happen at all, and all of this will blow over.

I have to keep remembering that. But I know that we will always be a little worried now that something might come up. Before, we were pretty confident that this one time fix should have fixed everything, but I should know better. Never underestimate the power of that little heart of hers.

I am slowly and surely giving this up to God, but it's not as easy as all that. There is nothing I can do or not do. That's the best part and the worst part.

Matt is in his third week of work away on Pender Island and so far it's been pretty good. This has been the first week I have really been feeling alone, hence the gloomier thoughts, hence the moody personality (can I blame that for my bad spelling and slow typing speed, too?)

He brought home a huge bucket load of apples last week and we've made about 30+ litres of apple sauce, which has been great! Bonus. And he gets to work pretty much as many hours as a human body can take. Always fun.

Knowing that this is not permanent really helps. This is not a normal way to live a life. I have a new appreciation for those single moms out there. This is totally possible, and somedays, even easy. But this is not desirable. I can see an end in sight, and can focus on that.

Otherwise, I am really busy with work and doing my best to keep up. That balance is really feeling strained now that I really have to work to find extra time at home, between naptime/bedtime.

And a new feat for us all is going soother free! Well, I mean, for Piper of course, but we are all kinda journeying through it.

We have been sorta trying to get her off of her soother for a little while, by cutting it out of the daytime, reserving it only for naptime and bedtime and she was doing pretty well. Until something switched and she just needed it all day long for some reason.

Anyways, then something else happened. The pumpkin patch.

We went with a long lost friend of mine from high school (must check out her blog - such good stuff goes on there all the time!), and some time between sharing popcorn with this little monkey-boy on the hayride

and collecting her cute little pumpkin, her soother disappeared.

I am calling it divine providence. Whatever it was, it worked. She was mad for a few days, and nights and naptimes were a little trying for a while, but she got over it. She coped, and we are all surviving without her soother. And now that it's gone, I am so glad to be rid of it! One less thing to worry about. I am hoping this will help her to develop a few more of her words, too, which seem to be slow in coming, but I know every kid develops at their own pace. Right now, I think she has more signs than she does words.

She can sign : cat, dog, bird, please, poop, change, cheese, eat, milk, more, water, bath, hot.

She can say: yeah, no, up, mommy, dadda, all done (aaaah-daaa), hot, and lots of other words from foreign languages yet to be discovered.

Alas, this post is getting garbled and nonsensical. And I using words like nonsensical.

I should probably go to bed. No fear. All is well on this front, just processing lots of life things at the moment, but usually able to take it all in stride.