Calm before the storm (in a good way!)

Just briefly...

My family starts arriving tomorrow. Gram first, then everyone else on Christmas day.

I am starting to feel a little bit stressed. You should really see my house. I'm not even joking, it almost looks as though it's been shaken upside down. Not good. I might have to work on that tonight. I pick Gram up early-ish tomorrow.

What have I signed myself up for?

Again, briefly: I am tired. I haven't been this tired since the "newborn" days. I don't know what it is, either a mix of Piper being sick/getting shots/teething and then a bit of stress in there, too, but I am seriously bagged. I don't think I've slept a continuous 4 hours in days now (I think that is how they torture people in some places!). Half of it is Piper waking up more in the night, and the other half is me not being able to sleep most of the time. Ahhhg!

This is making me old.

I am really am excited for Christmas, I just need to find some energy to really really feel it.

Wah-wah-wah for me. Sorry. I'm just going to have a very quiet melt-down in a minute...

I truly do wish you all the bestest of Christmases. It is an adventure every year.

Stickered up.

Poor child. Four shots in 2 days. Her little thighs are all poked. So far, she seems to be coping alright.

Yesterday she was given her 6 months shots (she missed them because she was sick last time) and then we H1N1 shot (dose #1). Anyways, nothing too exciting. No reaction, a little fussier at night time, and not eating as normally. She had a bit of a temperature this morning, but nothing crazy.

At noon today she received the first of 5 doses of her RSV shot. This was done at Surrey MH, at a special little clinic that they maybe hold on certain days? Not sure. The room the nurse put us in had little instruction posters up for oncology patients... Hmmmm...

We ended up waiting around in our little oncology room (which looked kinda like the room you deliver your baby in, but a little smaller. And there was an awesome lazy-boy in there that Piper got rocking on, and she thought that was pretty funny) for a while. Piper got weighed, and she had to be naked, as the medicine is dictated on weight. After 15 pounds, it is given in two needles, opposed to just one shot. She was a perfect 16 pounds (oh man, and I am feeling it!) so she had to get two needles. The kinda cool/crazy/sad/smart part is that they actually get two nurses to inject one needle each, one in each leg, at the same time. Really, it makes sense, it just looks like some strange form of torture.

Imagine, Piper is laying on a hospital bed, with me at her head, kinda restraining her arm, and then two nurses at the legs, each poised with a needle, hastily swabbing and unpacking things and glancing at each other as if to count "one, two, three?". I took a quick peek at the needles and there as a good amount of fluid in there! x2! Ya.

They injected the needles and Piper cried initially, as these shots actually took longer to inject as there was quite a large amount of stuff to go in. I've found that she is fairly easy to settle after it's all done. There were two new little sticky band-aids and we were good to go. (well, after waiting our 15 mins, of course)

Once I was home (Piper fell asleep the moment I put her in her car seat- no joke), I looked at the appointments coming up for her shots. It looks like this little girl will be getting 1-2 shots a month until she is a year old. Oh my. That kinda hit me.

Her next RSV shot has to be 21 days apart from this one, and then the subsequent ones are all 28 days apart. She also needs the second hit of her H1N1 shot, so, the first week in January, we'll be doing the same thing, with a few shots within a few days.

Alas, this is all the name of prevention. Wow. I guess we'll never really know if it's worth it, that's the funny part.

Well, that's not entirely true. We spent that one evening in the emergency room, and if she got the flu or RSV, it would be something like that, but much more serious. And I don't want to have to go through that again.

But we're home now, all well and happy. I bought a new baby Tylenol (grape!) and we should be good for the evening. As I am writing this, Piper is "baabaabaa, aaabababa, aa-waaa-ba"-ing with Matt in her bed, playing peek-a-boo and rolling around. They've just had a bath, which I think they would both admit is their favorite part of the day. I know it is for Matt (he told me so tonight), and Piper is just so content in the water, either lying down, or sitting up splashing or even sticking her tongue into the shower water. She really loves that water.

Anyways, this picture below is one of my favorites right now. Personally, I think Piper looks a lot like baby-me in this one, and I know she is so happy to be beside the Foos, both looking out the window watching the birds and cars. For the most part, she is a fairly happy baby, really. There are certainly days that aren't splendid, but I guess that's part of it.

I am realizing more and more, talking to more people with kids and life experience, that I am really a glass-half-full kind of mother, and person in general. Yes. And I am ok with that. I don't think that is me being naive to possible scenarios, or always trying to be blind to the negative things, I just think that there is enough garbage going on in our day-to-day lives that I don't need to stress over things that don't warrant it (ie. baby poop on my fingers, laundry coming out my ears, an ever-changing baby etc...).

Ok. Off to watch a show with Matty and Piper in the basement: she plays with her "downstairs toys" and we get a little entertainment in. It's usually a lovely way to spend an evening.

Family photos!

Here are some of the family portraits we had done by a friend of mine (karenhantke.com). I won't stop singing her praises:) These are only a few of the vertical ones to enjoy. We are so happy with all of them. The film one's are coming and I can't wait to see them! I"ll have to get one framed. But then I would have to narrow it down to one! Ahk!

Enjoy!

ps. Piper still has a sniffly nose, which usually requires a morning swooshing with a saline solution. But then she is usually ok for the rest of the day. She was up so often last night, just coughing like crazy. I think it was hard for her to be horizontal, as everything just wants to come up. This might be a combo of cough+teething, which isn't great.

Oh well, we'll see how today goes! Yesterday she napped for almost 3 hours (unheard of, really), so I think she might actually be sick and just needs more rest. Today as well, she is napping longer than usual, so maybe her body is trying to get as much as possible when it can. Hmmm...

Still, she has her 6 months shots tomorrow, and I'm not sure if they'll let her have them. The RSV nurse at BCCH said that she usually still will if there is a runny nose, and just gets a second opinion from a Dr if there is a fever. Piper doesn't have a fever, just a mean ol' cough.

Poor kiddie. I just want to get these vaccinations over with! I am sure she doesn't mind avoiding them for as long as possible.

We'll see how tomorrow goes! Maybe I'll try calling the clinic...

Happy Tuesday!

Sniffle, sniffle

Alas, is this the story for all babies? Are they just constantly getting sick, then getting better just to get sick again? Not fair. Not fun.

Piper has had a severely runny nose for the past few days, which comes with her cough coming back and some not so glorious nights. She'll rub her little face with the back of her hand, thus spreading snot all over her face, and somehow, that seems to make it worse for her.
The other morning, I tried nursing her, only, she couldn't breath through her nose! I think that made her quite upset/nervous, so she just screamed louder. Her attempts consisted of her mainly just biting me in frustration. Yeah, not great for momma-bear.
I had to lay her back down in bed, get some warm saline water and shoot it up her nose to loosen up the bad green-guys. She hates that part. So would I. Things should only come out of your nose, not go back in.
Anyways, once the water had softened everything up, I had to use another syringe (yeah, we've got a decent collection now) to suck all that snot out! What a fun way to start the morning.
She did nurse just fine after that, and I think she was happy I put her through some minor torture to get her on her way to a full belly.

Still, her being sick is not great, because, once again she is due for some shots! This is the second attempt at her 6 month shots (she will be 7 months tomorrow), which includes her H1N1. Bleh.

Oh, and then the next day, she is scheduled for her first RSV shot. So this poor baby is due for a lot of punctures. But maybe none of them will happen at all due to her being sick again.
That part is getting really frustrating.

So far, she hasn't had a fever and she has been eating really well (milk+solids, both), so I am not really worried that she is anything other than "wintertime" sick, but still. I don't really want to start having to reschedule these again. And I don't know if anyone else has had to reschedule with Fraser Health, but it only takes about a month and half to get your appointment! So then she would be much further behind on her vaccinations... again.

Still, in other news, Piper is on the whole, a fairly happy baby girl. She loves to watch the cat, and get a handful whenever she can, or she loves looking outside and watching the birds. She helps me in the kitchen, by sitting in the sink and pulling all sorts of things in there, while admiring the faucet (she will figure it out one day... I'll cross that bridge when we get to it).

Piper is eating solid foods really well now, much better than a few weeks ago. So far she's tried, sweet potatoes, carrots, potatoes, peas, pears, apples, banana, blueberries, pumpkin, acorn squash, sugar squash, zucchini, cantaloupe and avocado. This week we're going to try parsnips, green beans, butternut squash and buttercup squash, oh, and asparagus (ok, maybe not all this week, but that is what I am making).
So far, I am really enjoying this feeding process, and the prep part. I love diving into the freezer and picking out little cubes of this or that, or making a mix and seeing how it goes. She certainly likes the blander tastes, like squashes and cantaloupe, opposed to pears and apples. She seems to be a veggie girl more than fruits. I sneak the fruits in her cereal (imagine that, eh? Sneaking in the sweet stuff! Hmmm).
I feel great that I am still making her food myself, even if its not directly from my body, like breast milk is (though she is still nursing lots and well). There is something fulfilling about it. Though, this is the easy stage, when there aren't really any recipes yet, its just mushy fun. We'll see how this changes as her appetite evolves.

Ok, so I am just kinda babbling now. All in all, I can breathe a little easier knowing surgery is a little ways away from Christmas and I will do my best to relax in the mean time. I am trying to find the precious moments in some of this mayhem and keep those on the forefront of my mind. I've got a happy baby who smiles at me when I come into the room! (she'll then sometimes start to cry because I remind her of all the things she wants: milk, milk and more milk. Well, being wanted it always nice)

Happy weekend:) I'll get more of our family portraits up soon...

Some good news!

So this morning I called the hospital to see if they could tell me anything about a possible surgery date. Seems simple, right? Well, as soon as I got a nurse on the phone (hooray for direct lines!), all of my words became all jumbled and half-latin and backwards. I couldn't hardly get anything out except for "so, ummm" and "maybe, ummm". Yeah, I sounded like an idiot. And I felt like one. Man, this preggo-brain thing is really lingering.

The nurse patiently listened to me trying to form sentences and finally let me know that she knew that the surgeons were scheduling for January already, though the waiting list is in the process of being "re-prioritized".

So this means, there will be no surgery before Christmas! I do feel really great about that. I wasn't even really aware of how much I wanted it to happen in January until I got off the phone and let out a huge sigh.

Later, the surgery-booking lady (imagine that job, eh?) called to say that, yes, the list is being looked over by the surgeons and cardiologists and there is no new info on her end. She's been pestering them to get her the new list, as she said I was not the first parent to call. She did say "well, I could give you a date if you really wanted me to, but at this point, the likelihood of it changing is quite high". So she encouraged me to wait some more, since getting a date and having the change it is a lot less fun than just waiting.

And now, I really do feel ok waiting. I can relax about having a post-op baby for Christmas time, and I can push all of my worries into 2010! Take that!

Some not-so-great news is that Piper has a runny nose again, and is coughing a bit more today. She had a really "off" night last night, and we had to give her Tylenol (thinking it was teeth?), but I think she might have been fighting some sickness. Bleh. I hope its just a touch of something, maybe the cold weather? She is a bit less forgiving today, and looks like she might need an extra nap. I've got to remember to give her some more attention during these times and not try to push her to get through it. She might just need some more mommy-time.

But she continues to grow, grow, grow! She is sitting all on her own now, all the time, and is almost wanting to scoot places, though she doesn't quite know how. I can tell she wants to move, but is a little afraid of tipping over.

And as always, she is in love with the cat. The coolest thing is to pick Piper up, and ask her "where is the cat?", and she immediately starts looking in all the usual "cat places": where her bowl is, the window, by the stairs... and she just looks and looks and looks until she finds her, and then Piper smiles and laughs and wants to visit with the Foos. The Foos is starting to tolerate her a mico-fragment more these days, but still pretty much just walks away if Piper get too close.

Here they are, both playing with something the love, and enjoying themselves at a safe distance.

Just a sneak peek!

Here is just a quick look at some of the family portraits we had done today!

My dear friend from school, Karen (www.karenhantke.com) came over nice and early and caught some of the lovely light that shines in Piper's room. I wanted to get some great shots of Piper without her top on, to show off her perfect, unmarked chest. It won't always look like that, so I wanted to celebrate while we could, as we get ready to embrace all the changes that come with this crazy future ahead of us... and then we'll celebrate those changes, too.

I am already so in love with these ones, and Karen also took some in film that will blow these ones out of the water! Can't wait (but I will). Thank you so much Karen for a great time!

Anyways, enjoy this one for now... I'll put some more up when I can.

No news

Just letting you know, we haven't heard anything as to when Piper will have her surgery. The cardiologist said to hear something early December, so I'll try calling them this time next week to see how things are looking.

Just more waiting. But hey, we should be used to it by now!

Piper's cough is just about all gone. She is usually a little more stuffy when she first wakes up, and sometimes coughs on her way to sleep. But not so much a nuisance any more.

In other news, we are slowly trying to get ready for Christmas, doing some finishing touches on the house to have it ready for the Coull clan (my family), and we'll see how it goes!

Here are a bunch of pictures, not great quality as they are off my phone, but still fun!

Piper helping with dinner

Playing with the Foos (notice the fireplace enclosure Matt built! Yeah for free cribs!)

Keeping an eye on our hood.

Giggling with Daddy

Eating so nicely for Opa.

Morning time sillies.

Helping organize the pantry (and eat onion skins...)

Happy that Daddy came home!

Loving the play with Mommy's broken keyboard

Smiling for Daddy!

Getting better... slowly.

I think Piper is finally getting a little better. It's just been such a slow recovery from this cough, it seems unending. Now, she seems only to cough close to sleep times and it will usually wake her up. Though every day I think she coughs a little less. But I never do want her to be sick again... I know that is impossible, but so far she has had to miss her 6 month shots because of this (which would have included her H1N1 shot), which just makes me a little uneasy.

I don't want her to be sick in general. But if she is sick when she is due for her surgery, then she will be bumped back and we will miss her surgery date and who knows when there will be a spot available again. For the first time ever, I have to be really vigilant about keeping my self free of germs and staying away from sick people. And now that Piper is into everything with her hands, I have to be careful about everything she touches (I am normally pretty laid back about that kind of thing. I don't rinse off the soother when it falls on the ground - don't judge me!). Anyways, its not all that normal for me to be anal retentive. I'm not that good at it.

Anyways, BCCH called yesterday to ask if we wanted to immunize Piper for RSV (respiratory syncytial virus), as it effects most kids and acts like a cold, though babies with weakened immune systems, premmies, or babies with heart conditions are more at risk and are harder to help once they have it. It is a seasonal thing, and will be going around, but the hospitals want to keep the babies out of the hospitals that will be a lot more work (like those listed above) so they've got an immunization for them.

the virus in action!! duh, duh, duh....

Its a shot that will have to be given 5 times over about 4 months (boo), but will hopefully keep her safe enough. Apparently, only about 500 kids in the province get it, as its only offered to some. I figure if its the hospital calling, after looking at her file and pre-approving it, it might be a safe option to go with. I don't want her sick again.

Luckily for us, they hold clinics in Surrey at the hospital, so we don't have to make the trek out to Van. They should call us in a week or so?

This is a decision I feel good about. I don't have time, energy or patience to pull the "moral" card on the issue of immunizations. For me, Piper getting sick with something like this would be far worse whatever this shot could possibly bring with it. I need to weigh the pro's and con's, and whatever works better in Piper's favor wins.

Ok, I am off my soapbox.

Here is an audio recording of Piper's heart. It's not the best recording, but you can really hear the swoosh-swoosh of her heartbeat compared to a regular one. And its kinda a constant swooshing sound, no little breaks like with our beat, after the bump-bump...break, bump-bump... break.

If you ever get a chance to feel her heart, do try it. It has a much more frothy, scratchy kind of feel, opposed to our distinct lub-dub. We won't be offended either. It's going to change, so feel it now because it won't always be like that.

I think her heart beats a little bit faster that some, too, but just a tiny bit. Nothing to worry. about. And sorry if the normal heartbeat part looks a little morose, or gloomy. I think TV shows have made us associate the sound of a heartbeat with a sort of terminal idea... like, its going to stop any second now! I'm not meaning that. I just added it for comparison reasons.

Do try to enjoy :)

A little fevery

Poor baby has been up and down on the fever scale, so we took her to the doctor again (Matt was going anyways)- family doctor- and she gave her some amoxycillin to just keep her fevers at bay. It's this awesome pink fluid that tastes like bubble gum, and Piper seems to enjoy it. I would.

This girl has had more medicines in her short little life that I have had in my entire life! Its crazy. Or at least more hospital visits. Geesh. My doctor commented on what a good baby she was though, especially to doctors, as she sees them quite often. Alas, a compliment is a compliment!

Anyways, so she is doing much better now, without having to consistently be fighting a fever and is a pretty happy baby. And that usually makes for a pretty happy mommy and daddy, too!

Nothing like a Sunday afternoon... sorta.

Yesterday was a somewhat chaotic day.

We went to Vancouver, downtown, for a dear friends baby "party" (for guys and girls) and it was so incredibly lovely! We all seemed to have a great time. For a while...

At some point I tried to feed Piper and she wasn't interested, which isn't normal for her. She will almost always eat when offered. So I didn't force anything, but she wasn't quite acting herself. She then was getting really sleepy and again, not quite herself. So we left the party (our parking was running out anyways), and decided to head to see my sister and Matt's brother (yes, they are married, too) who live out at UBC.

Us with Vasia and Henry, awaiting their little girl, in 3-5 weeks!

Piper slept in the car for a bit, which she does often enough and is usually pretty happy after a nap. We got to J+A's house and she still wasn't quite herself, still not wanting to eat and just kinda lethargic.

So I figured, since we were already in Van, I might as well give BCCH a call, and it would be easy enough to come in. Talking to the cardiologist on call, mentioning her symptoms and her possible case of bronchiolitis, he said it wouldn't hurt to come in.

So we did.

And there goes the rest of our day!

It was actually not that bad. The cardiologist had given the ER front desk a heads up to expect us, and I think we skipped a bit of the wait, which was nice. We were quickly scooted to a smaller waiting room, where there were less sick people, which was really great (hospitals are made up of mostly waiting rooms. There is a waiting room for everything... kinda strange).

So we waited there for a bit (it was about maybe 3:45?), and then were sent to a little glass enclosed room with a bed and (thank the Lord!) a TV. A nurse popped in eventually and hooked Piper up to the SAT's monitor, and as usual, her oxygen levels were up at 97-99%, so nothing to worry about there. Then they had to take her temperature rectally this time ("more accurate" the nurse said, with a squinty face), and she did have a slight fever. Other than that, she was doing alright. They handled her case really well, and made us feel as though we were doing the right thing bringing her in.

The nurse kept saying what a nice loud murmur she had, since she doesn't get to hear them that often in the ER. But she didn't like how Piper's chest was indrawing when she was breathing and the rate at which she was breathing.

Anyways, long story short, we waited in the glass/tv room for the longest amount of time, in which Piper took a nap, we watched like, 3-4 episodes of CSI:somewhere and people kept checking in from time to time.

The doc finally came and examined her and thought to try a few things, like giving her a chest x-ray, because they thought she had bronchiolitis, too, and then a nebulizer with fentalin (??) in it and serious snot extraction (it had an acronym that I can't remember) to see if there was any infection.

A lovely Aussi nurse then came in to do the nebulizer (which is what people use for asthma, the little puffer), but it was in mask form, like the oxygen masks (except the ones at BCCH have a little face of a puppy dog on them, so it kinda looks like the kid has a puppy mask on- cute). So we did that for 10 mins, and I have to admit, those were not the most glorious 10 mins of Piper's life. The nebulizer shot out a mist/vapour and it made noise, and Piper had to breathe it in. It didn't hurt her, but her arms were held down and she was not impressed.

She basically cried the whole time, while Matt held the mask, and I held her and we all waited it out. Once we were all done, she gave some good coughs and prompty threw up all of her stomach contents on my pants (yes, my nice pants, since we were out at a party), and was pretty shaken up after that. The nurse said that the fentatlin was to open up her airways, and hence expanding her diaphragm, hence, pushing on her stomach, hence... barf. This was not spit up. It was a whole lot of gook, all at once. Bleh.

Then it was the snot-extractor, which they held her down on the bed for and fed a tube way up her nose. It thought it would go up like, 2 inches, maybe, but they just kept feeding that tube up/down her nasal passages! My jaw dropped. They suctioned some boogies out of both nostrils and that was all for the messy stuff. Then we could just hold her and wait to be called for the chest x-ray.

In that time, waiting, my lovely sister brought us some food, as it was about 8pm now, and neither of us had eaten anything since lunchtime. That was probably the best part of the day :) She brought a veritable smorgasbord that we laid out on the bed and all dug in. The nurses and docs who kept coming in all gave us "eyes" that said "wow... food, much?", but we didn't even care.

Yikes. It was a lot of drama. With the chest x-ray done, we eventually saw the doc again and he felt that everything was looking pretty good.

By then, her fever had come down, there was no infection in her snot, and the x-ray showed nothing negative. They confirmed she had bronchiolitis, and that it will just finish on its own. There isn't much we can do. She just has to wait. The doc said that if it were to have turned into anything worse, it would have happened in those first 2-3 days, but we are now on day 9, and it hasn't gotten worse, so its just a matter of time now.

The hospital doc said to check in with our local doc/pediatrician today to see how Piper is doing, so I went this morning (getting the last available appointment for the day! thank you God!). She said that even from Friday, when we saw her last, Piper was looking and sounding better. She said her chest wasn't indrawing as much her breathing was slower. She said to just watch out for blue spells (which we have yet to have), but on the whole, Piper seems fine. Just has to ride out this cough.

Unfortunately, she won't be able to go for her 6 months shots this week, as she is kinda sick. We see the pediatrician next week sometime, and we'll see how Piper is then, and he'll give us the OK to get her shots.

Oh, and then, speaking of shots, our doc asked if I had gotten "the" flu shot and I said I hadn't and she asked why? I said I wasn't even sure why not, I guess just timing and being able to get it done. I was just so focused on when I should get Piper's done. She said "just hold on one second, and give me your shoulder". She then dashed out the door and came back with a wee tiny needle and gave me the shot right then and there! It was so stinking fast and painless, I was shocked! That was what all the hulliballoo was about!? Really? Maybe I'll wait and see how I feel tomorrow.

Anyways, after all that jabbering: we are all pretty happy and fairly healthy, though Matt and I are both pretty tired today. It takes a toll on your nerves and your emotional state hanging around in any emergency room.

But, again, we are so delighted to be home with our baby and that she is doing really well. None of this seems to be a worry for her heart, so that makes me happy. And again, I can't wait until she can just be sick and not have it effect her heart. Just be good old-fashioned sick, no strings attached.

Sorry if this was kinda convoluted... I am running on low these days. I'll let you know how the next few days go!

A "Happy Wheezer"

I mentioned earlier that Piper had a little cough that I was going to get checked out at the doctor. So we went, and she listened to Piper's heart and chest and thinks it might be something like bronchiolitis, which is not bronchitis, but it is still not fun. The tiny little bronchioles get filled with mucus and make it difficult to breathe, and hence, the baby coughs trying to clear it up. Apparently, its very common for babies to get it, as it is quite like a normal cough or cold. But again, its even more common for babies with heart defects to get it. Hooray (note the sarcasm, much?).

I can't wait until she isn't at a greater risk for things like this.

The doctor called her a "happy wheezer" because she is otherwise fine: eating well, sleeping enough and her disposition is normal. She does have a slight purr. I don't really like hearing her cough, though, especially at night because it wakes all of us up.

But our lovely doctor sent her for a chest X-ray and we got that done later in the afternoon (though the x-ray clinic was kinda scarry- it had sings all over saying things like "if you have a cough/cold/fever, proceed to this special line up and tell the receptionist IMMEDIATELY" and there was hand sanitizer everywhere, and some people went up to the desk and were asked to put on a mask. Not cool. I tried not to touch anything).

Seeing this general X-ray machine made me really appreciate BCCH a lot more! This one was kinda just a table, nothing special, and there was just this square flap of lead to put over Piper's legs and I had to hold it there, while holding her legs down, while holding her arms out, while holding her completely still. Riiiight. At BCCH, everything is fit to the size of the baby, and that baby is velcro-ed in there and isn't moving for nothing! I know that sounds a bit harsher, but you get a better image.

Still, this always makes me marvel at the time we live in, and our health care system.

We should get the results from the X-ray on Wednesday or so. Even if she does have bronchiolitis, there is not a whole lot they can do. I think it just has to run its course. The worse case scenario is she gets hospitalized for a bit and gets an oxygen mask while there.

I am just hoping its something that passes, but her cough hasn't gotten any better since last Saturday, though it hasn't gotten worse, either.

We'll see.

But our baby is sitting on her own now, which is pretty fun! She still topples over sometimes, but she can sit there for quite some time, which is actually really fun! It seems in the last little while, she has done a serious amount of growing up. And I love it all. I wouldn't take a step backwards ever.

I love that she is pretty much double her birth weight, and that I can carry her on my hip and that she reaches for my glasses and hair and anything in my hand. I love that she smiles when she sees me and giggles when I tickle her. I love, love, love that she is growing.

Here is a movie of her growing some more, since 4 months. Enjoy!

Nothing new...

Sorry, I feel if there is no new medical information to give out, I don't bother updating this blog. Hmmm... I can still tell you all that Piper is doing just lovely these days. She has a wee bit of a cough, which is not fun, but it hasn't gotten any worse and there is no fever, so I am just letting it run its course. Of course, by the time you want it checked out, it takes nearly a full week to see a Doc anyways. Bah. Other than that, she is great.

I think, with her 6 month vaccines, I will get her the first dose of the flu shot and be done with the worrying. Its not in my nature to fret this much, and in her case, the outcome of getting the flu without the shot could be worse than whatever the repercussions of getting the shot are. Does that make sense? And besides, there is too much hype. This is not a moral issue. It's a personal, medical choice. So there.

Oh, but I did hear something nice from a friend of a friend, who happens to work at BCCH as a physiotherapist. She said she does a lot of pre-admission stuff for "heart-babies" (hospital staff tend to refer to any baby with a heart condition as thus. I think its totally cute) and has seen a good number of them post-op, too, and had some really encouraging things to say.

She said the scar, once they are all done, is about maybe as long as my pinky finger and nice and fine and clean. I had always imagined an open-heart surgery scar to be quite gaping and jagged, but of course they would do the best job they could! She also reiterated how quickly and nicely babies heal! Hooray!

It was really nice to just talk to someone kinda removed from our situation but who really new the hospital and protocols etc and who could just fill me in with information in a non stressful way. Not like the hospital staff wouldn't, but I feel that if I were to call them, it should be for a big enough issue, and sometimes I just like to ask little questions like "is there a fridge somewhere where we can keep food?".

Anyways, that was just really nice for my heart. I am feeling pretty good, trying not to stress and just looking forward to this coming Christmas time with my whole family coming down our way! Another hooray!

And we wait again...

It seems my morning isn't going as planned (does it ever? not really). I was so glad to get a call from BCCH this morning, from Dr. Duncan telling me that this week they had reviewed Piper's case. The only part that I was a little fuzzy on was that we won't actually get a real surgery date until about 2 weeks before it will happen. I really had it in my mind that this next phone call, I could physically mark something on my calendar and focus all my worry on that day. Nope.

It turns out, that Piper is now officially on the surgery waiting list (and like I mentioned earlier, it is quite lengthy at 70+ kids). This is for any kind of surgery, not all the same surgery that Piper will have.

Anyways, Dr. Duncan explained that, especially with this darned flu going around, they can go from having 5 empty beds to having none in a blink of an eye.

I do understand that part: that a waiting list involves waiting. Right. And he did mention that your chances of having your date moved around is about 50%. And he said "don't take it personally", it just happens that way.

So the "date" he did give me was just before the Christmas break or just after it, so late December, or early January. We will get another phone call early December from a surgery booking lady and she'll give us the low-down on when to come in etc. We will be coming in, say the week of the surgery to meet with the surgeon and the staff (nurses etc) and discuss exactly what will be happening during surgery. I hope we will get to see what kind of room we'll be in, and what is available to us. I would assume so.

But alas, it is more waiting for us. It could be another month now until we hear anything new. And once more, I am kinda torn.

Half of me wants this surgery to happen tomorrow, so we can get on with recovery and being normal. The other half of me wants to stay as far away from a hospital as I can.

And then thinking of surgery right before Christmas? This will be her first Christmas, and she might not be able to enjoy it... My whole family will be here this year, which would be so amazing if they could all be around for her recovery, but at the same time, I might just want a normal first Christmas with my baby.

In the end, I am grateful for a healthy baby right now, who is babbling like a banchee and almost sitting up and eating big-girl food and doing all the right things. Piper really does delight me daily and I need to let this dark cloud of surgery float away.

Matt has been an amazing husband during all of this, and has such a level head on his shoulders (even when I don't). He just loves being a Dad: I can see it every time he goes to tickle Piper's belly with his face or bounce her around in the air. It's almost a daily thing that he'll stop mid-walk and look at me and go "we've got the cutest baby girl". And then keep walking, or doing whatever he was doing. I am so glad we're on the same team :)

On that note, here are some family pics of us all at the park! We went out to take some family pictures of our friends and at the end, asked them to take a picture of us! This is what followed!!

Almost there!

Apparently this whole H1N1 thing affects more than you figure. We were supposed to have heard news about a possible surgery date for Piper by now (as they said once she had her heart cath that we would know in about a week or so), but it seems that for the review they (being some docs and surgeons) do on Mondays, there was not enough of them there to discuss Piper's case. Now, I am not sure if any of them had the flu, but it affected the nurses big time because they are just constantly on the phone with people regarding the flu and not calling people like us who were waiting on some info.

I did call the nurses this week to see if they knew anything and hadn't passed it along, and ended up leaving a message. They got back to me and explained the whole "it's been an unusually hectic week over here!" and I understood that completely.

So it's nice to know that there hasn't been any info withheld, there is just no new info. The nurse did say that this Monday, Dr. Duncan will be able to discuss Piper's case and will call by no later than Wednesday. Then we will have a date for surgery.

I feel as though I can relax a bit now. Up until now I was feeling as though I was kinda in the dark and waiting, waiting, waiting. Now, well, I am still waiting, but now I know for sure that after this Monday, there will be some sort of answer. Once we have a surgery date, I will be able to relax even more, as life can kinda move forward towards something real and palpable, instead of this ominous who-knows-when land.

The next debate is whether to get Piper the H1N1 flu shot. The nurse today did say that Piper was at a higher risk of having complications if she got it, due to her heart. But once she is 6 months, she can get the vaccine. I am torn. I feel as though I am not educated well enough to know all the sides of this debate. The nurse said that they wouldn't be releasing this vaccine if it wasn't safe. I do understand that, but this whole flu thing has come up so fast and there is just so much mixed information.

We'll keep thinking about it, and just keep washing our hands and sneezing into our sleeves.

Piper loves to pull hair now... at least Daddy's is short.

Sleep: blessing and a curse

The good news: Piper is sleeping pretty well these days.

Bad news: Mommy is not.

I remember having some terrible nights when I was pregnant, of just being up for hours, watching shows or reading. I hated that I was not sleeping.

Now, its happening all over again. But I have nothing to blame it on this time.

Its most aggravating because I have a sleeping baby by 9 or so, then feed her before I go to bed... and then I wait. I am just laying in bed, waiting for sleep to come. I am so exhausted, but it takes until past mid-night for sleep to come! And then Piper is up around 3-4am, so it feels like I never get any of that really good sleep. Argh.

Babies are supposed to be the bad sleepers, not the mommies!

Now that I think of it, the 2 nights before Piper's angiogram were very non-sleep nights. And so it has just continued. Maybe there is some residual stress? I feel pretty good about all of it, but maybe its somewhere hidden in my subconscious. Dang subconscious. Messing everything up.

The hospital hasn't called yet to tell us what they decided on after looking at the images they gathered from Piper's angiogram, so maybe that is weighing on me. Maybe I am nervous about actually getting a date for heart surgery.

Wow. Yeah, saying it out loud is kinda makes it more real. This is the first of many times when I can't let this totally overcome my life. This is just a part of my life, and Piper's life, and it won't become the central feature. There is so much more going on here!

So now, I feel like I need to improve on my bedtime routine (usually its all about the babies bedtime routine!). I will try reading some more, or having a story playing or something. Maybe I need a good foot massage. Hmmm... I'll put in an order. Who knows.

Here Piper is, after grabbing the bag of spinach clear off the table (she already has the salad dressing bottle in her lap), munching away on good things like clothes pins and plastic bags.

Back to "normal"

We just had a lovely Sunday.

We walked to church (had a great time), then walked to Wendy's for lunch and met friends there (had the second great time of the day), and then walked home to lounge about and do not too much of anything. We got little things done, but nothing too exciting. We were all pretty happy, too.

It seems Piper is all back to normal these days. Yesterday she was a little fussy, but today seems to be "normal". She's awake for good chunks of time and is usually fairly pleasant to be around. She seems to be completely recovered from Friday's angiogram. Matt gave her a bath tonight (seriously, one of her favorite things in the whole wide world) and she splashed like crazy. As he was drying her off, her little steri-strips just slipped right off. We could see a wee little poke mark where they put the catheter in, but it really just looks like a bug-bite. There is a little bruising, but nothing like what the doctor warned us about (he really thinks its gonna show all kinds of freaky colors). So far, so good.

She has a bit of a throaty cough, which, even during the course of the day, has gotten better. Apparently thats from the anesthetic (pretty heavy duty stuff, even for wee babies). She just gets lots of big pats on the back now to really dislodge that stuff.

Oh, and we let her go in her Jumperoo today and that seemed to have made her day!

She is quite a wiggly/bouncy baby. She can really move. That makes me a little nervous for her surgery recovery time as she won't be able to roll around much for a while, nor crawl (if she is doing that by then). Hmmm... Maybe I won't think about that right now.

Right now, I'll think about my perfectly happy baby (perfectly happy because she is sleeping), and all that we've come through all ready. Right now, I am choosing not to dwell on the "later" parts of this adventure. They'll come when they come. Right now, I am unusually tired, but also content with most aspects of my life. Right now, I am so blessed.

Here are the two buddies staring out at the street, keepin' an eye on our hood. (and yes, the cat does whack the camera)

Angiogram Day

So yesterday, I started my day off at 3:45am, to get Piper's last feeding in before 4am. Hooray for me! I hadn't really slept all that well for the past 2 nights, so it was almost a relief to just be up and to quit trying to sleep.

Anyways, feed the baby, get all of our random things out the door (books, laptops for boredom, snacks) and away we were in the darkness of the morning! Traffic was awesome, except leaving Surrey we got every light. Really strange. Oh well.

We arrived at BCCH just in time and were admitted to the little pre-area (I am finding that there are waiting rooms, for waiting rooms for everything... kinda a big emphasis on waiting).

Here a lovely nurse (they are all lovely nurses. I'll let you know when we meet a not-so-lovely one) measured and weighed Piper, and took her Saturation levels (almost always near 100%!) and checked her heart rate, blood pressure etc.

Later, the nurse numbed Piper's hand and foot, both possible points for the IV. I think the vein in her foot looked better than the ones in her hand. Then they put little bandages on her fist and foot to keep the numbing gel on.

Then we got all called into another waiting room

All was well, and Piper was actually not even crying yet (even though it was almost 4 hours since she had eaten last). After waiting in the day surgery waiting room, we were called into another waiting room to meet the anesthetist. He popped in, asked the same questions everyone else had (allergies, family history, when she last ate...) and then he disappeared. Soon, another nurse came to us and cooed at Piper and checked her foot tag (not on her wrist, as she could really scratch herself with it), and told us she would be taking her away to the Cath lab for her angiogram. We weren't allowed to bring her in...

Then we waited. Fortunately, my sister had come with us and could keep us busy. We found to cafeteria and had some brekkie, while we waited for about an hour and a half, when they said she would be done.

The waiting wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It actually really helped to have someone else other than Matt there. Matt and I might have just stared at each other, thinking the same things and it would have stretched out that hour.

So breakfast was nice, and then it was back to the first waiting room.

Not long after, Dr. Duncan came out to tell us everything went fine and she was in recovery for a little while as she woke up. He said they tried to put the catheter in her right groin area, and it didn't work (2 pokes later), then he tried the left and it went much better. He said he got all the images they wanted and encountered no surprises.

Then, more waiting. He said about another half an hour.

So finally, I was called in (I think only one of us could go) by Dr. Duncan to see her. He said she was still sleeping. As I walked into the room, he pointed to the far corner and I could see a nurse hanging her hands over the bed bars and holding a pile of blankets down. As I got closer, I could see Piper's little pink head. And her eyes were open! She has just woken up!

This was the strangest part: she hardly looked like my baby. The nurse said that she was "pretty stoned", and I couldn't agree more. This is the only time I cried a little. Her eyes were so vacant, and her mouth was opened funny and she had no color in her lips or cheeks. She was just looking at me with these half open eyes and it was almost creepy. I knew she was my baby, but she just looked so different.

Then the nurse showed me the spot that they had put the catheter in and it was just a little red spot with some steri-strips marking it. It was a little bloody, but not too bad. The nurse was holding her left leg down because it needed to stay straight to make sure the vein that the catheter went in was properly healed. If she bent her leg too much, the vein would reopen and would start to ooze from the puncture site (and there would be a chance of blood clots- not good).

So soon after that, with another nurse, we wheeled Piper into the other recovery room with my holding her leg and also holding a bottle of sugar water that the nurse gave me to give her (apparently its really easy to digest and won't upset her tummy). We needed to keep her calm for a while.

So then Matt and Anna could come and see her. Piper was getting more and more real looking all the time. Her eyes opened more and she was even making some noises.

Soon, I could even nurse her, just keeping in mind to keep her flat. I was told to not nurse her too much, as she might just throw it all up, and then we'd have to wait a while to feed her again. She took her milk so contentedly, though a little drunkedly at first, but she figured it out.

Then, she just slept. A nurse would come every half hour to check her over, and the time went by pretty fast.

At some point, Dr. Duncan came back and actually showed us the footage they got of the catheter. It was so amazing! It was like a moving X-ray.

We could see the little catheter tube in her chest and then it would squirt some dye and with one heart pump, the dye was pushed everywhere! We could see her aorta, and all her capillaries and her heart chambers. It was all moving and all over the place. Somehow, the Dr could decipher what he needed to. He pointed out where some of the blood pours over into the other chamber when it shouldn't and that the muscle on the bottom of her heart was quite thick and would need to be cut away. He showed us a few different angles of when the dye got shot and it was amazing all over again! Such amazing technology!

He saw nothing new, and no surprises and everything looked just as he thought it would. He then told us that due to this, Piper is way at the bottom of the pecking order for surgery. He said there are about 70+ kids waiting at the moment. He thought that her surgery would be just before Christmas, or right after.

So that's a good thing and a bad thing. That is a whole two or more months for her to grow and get my milk and get strong. But its more waiting, too. Really, the longer we wait, the better. She will only be better for it. The only way we could bump her surgery up would be if something goes wrong with her, which we really don't want.

So I guess its more waiting.

After another good feed, and a nap, we were all ready to go home. She was checked over again, and the nurses gave us some info on things to watch for when we were home and then we were away! Dr. Duncan and a whole panel of docs and surgeons will look at the images from the angiogram on Monday and decide what is best for her. We should get a call in the next week to let us know a possible surgery date.

It was so nice to be home and just relax. We had gotten some wraps for a late lunch and just enjoyed them fully! Then, it was a big nap for every body. It felt so good. We were all pretty bagged. Piper would be up for about 20-40 mins and then back to bed. She was pretty happy when she was awake, she just didn't last long. But she had a pretty normal nights sleep and today has been pretty good. We are locked in the house due to the rain, and we are keeping her out of her Jumperoo (her fav!) just due to her cut, but other than that, she is doing so well. She needs a few more naps and lots of holding, but she is nearly back to herself.

So now, I eagerly await hearing from the hospital on what they think for Piper's surgery. Really, I should just get used to this waiting. I might be doing a lot of it for the next while.

Thanks again to every body for being so great to us. We felt a lot of love yesterday :)

Home and Happy!

Just a quick note, as we are all exhausted, but we are all home now, and happy to be so.

Piper did so awesome this morning and everything went smoothly. The doctors got all the images they needed and there were no surprises. She recovered well from the anesthetic and got to feed pretty soon after.

The nurses and doctors were all lovely and living up to their reputation. Matt and I were well taken care of, and Piper was in such good care.

Thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers for today. I'll update you more later, with some video's and pictures... now its nap time. Haven't really slept in the last few days.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I've got to let you all know that we really, truly can feel some serious prayer action coming our way. It really is a pretty powerful thing.

We've had a pretty chill evening, with a trip to Ikea/KMS (and some frozen yogurt!), then I had a much needed shower, which Piper joined me in later. Once we were all clean, we all headed down stairs for an epic viewing of some Planet Earth shows ("Jungles" and "Shallow Seas"... very few snakes, so it made for a good show). Piper just wiggled her heart out on the floor and watched a little, talked to the cat and was pretty happy. We let her stay up for as long as she was happy.

Matt gave her the last dose of Propranolol for today at around 9-ish, so her first and last dose for tomorrow will be at 4am, when all feeding stops. Luckily it will only be about 4 hours fasting, so I think she can make it.

Tonight, if she gets up, I'll feed her without any of my normal qualms. But I will make sure that she gets in her last feeding just before 4am and we'll all have a bit more sleep and then make our way to Vancouver, maybe around 5:45am?

All in all, today was pretty decent. I had a near melt-down right around lunch time, as I was severely tired, hungry and thirsty, hence, an emotional wreck. Luckily, my sister called at just the right time and I could download a little bit. I felt much better after a bit of lunch and a reading break.

Am I afraid? Maybe.

Of what? Nothing really. But everything at the same time.

I don't know how I will react leaving her. Or how I will feel walking away, knowing I can't do anything else for a while. I am a little worried of the "away" time. I mean, we've left her before, but it's not quite the same.

This is a good dry-run at what the days leading up to surgery will be like. I feel like if we can muscle through this time, we can maybe handle that.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers for tomorrow. And wow! This isn't even her surgery. I guess this is also a dry-run for all of you, too, and I am already overwhelmed by the love and support. Seriously. Thank you.

I just wanted to add this picture. Its one of my favorites, still. Piper just loves her bath time.

I look at this one and remember how I felt back then (maybe a few days old), thinking 5-6 months is still eons away.

And here we are. Piper is 5 months strong. And this is all actually happening.

We've got a time!

So, the hospital called and we got the 6:30am slot! Hoorah!

I am actually really excited to have a time, any time, to look forward to. The countdown is on. I think I really needed that.

I've already given Piper one dose of the Propranolol, and she is due for her second dose in another hour or so. The first time went just fine (she loves helping to put the little syringe in her mouth), and it does taste kinda sweet, and its cold, which is a new thing for her. All in all, a treat, maybe? It has kinda mellowed her out a bit already. Naps have been heavy, but her happy times are still pretty happy, so not too much change.

Tonight, I think we'll keep busy by going to Ikea (aka: KMS for Matt) and we'll just see how this day goes! (and hopefully I'll sleep better than last night...)

Tomorrow things get rollin'... kinda.

So tomorrow we begin the process of getting ready for the first little procedure before Piper's surgery. Wow, that sounded convoluted.

Basically, we start giving her some medication tomorrow so that she is ready for her angiogram on Friday. Really, its not too big of a deal. But medication and babies is always a treat. Most of it ends up running down her cheek, or on her shirt or all over her fingers, then, promptly everywhere else.

This medication is Pronpanol, which is a "beta-blocker", which, I think in this case is used to help open up Piper's arteries a bit? I have a better description written down from the nurse. Tonight, my brain is nearly empty.

Anyways, we start giving her 3mls tomorrow morning at 7am, then another 3mls at 2pm and then another 3mls at 10pm and then the last dose at about 6am. Plus or minus, here or there. I will try my hardest to keep to these times, so we don't have any reason to delay this procedure. And maybe they have special treats for parents who follow instructions well! Hey, I'm hoping.

Also, tomorrow afternoon, BCCH calls us to confirm a time to come in for her angiogram. It will either be for 6.30am or 9.30am. The nurse who called the other day said that they usually give the earlier appointment to the younger child, and Piper is the younger one, so maybe we'll be going in for 6.30? I kinda hope so. Surrey to Vancouver traffic at 9-ish will suck, and that will just add to the stress of the day.

Plus, we can't let her eat for at least 4 hours ahead of time (which is actually much better than I thought. I thought it was like, 8 or 10 hours before. 4 I think I can handle). So again, I am hoping for 6.30am. (wowza! I am not usually excited for anything to happen that early)

Again, they say the procedure should take about 1-2 hours (not sure if that includes prep, too?) and then they will want to keep her for at least 4 hours to recover to make sure the incision in her leg doesn't bleed and her IV-ed spot is ok.

Did you know, if they can't get a good IV in a child's arm or foot, they try to put it in their scalp? Yah. Not cool. The nurse said that if Piper is good and strong, she doesn't see why they would need to go in through her scalp. Ummm, so here's hoping for her arm?

The nurse also said that some anesthesiologists (almost spelled that right the first time!) let you stay with your baby right until they put them to sleep, while others let you take them up to the table, and then ask you to leave (while, I am assuming Piper will be good and screaming like a banshee by then). Half of me is thinking I will just want to walk away without having to see a needle go in her, and see her struggle, while the other half of me wants to help and try my darndest to sooth her (if that is even possible). I really have no idea how I'll feel.

I do know that all of my is glad this is all happening when she is young. I can still pick her up and move her where she needs to be; she can't run away, or tell me she wants to; she can't physically hurt anyone trying to help her, and she probably won't remember any of this.

I know I will.

Here is a little video of Piper and the Foos, just hanging out. The Foosa usually just gives Piper a glare and tries to steer clear of her whenever she can, but there are moments when she tolerates her.

Piper on the other hand is enthralled by the cat. You can have a screaming baby one second, then bring her down to the cat's level and just let her look at her and she calms right down. She is trying so hard to reach for her and feel her fur (and probably stick any kitty parts in her mouth), but the Foos usually doesn't let that happen. We'll see how this progresses. I think the cat takes it easy because she knows Piper really can't move all that fast on her own. But a crawling baby will be a whole different story.

And here is a picture of Piper's Opa (Matt's dad). He just loves her to bits and pieces. He reminded us tonight, with a lovely prayer, that we trust God in all of this. We give Piper up to Him, and just trust Him with will all we've got. He's got it all under control.

Again. Big breath.

Let me show you this book!

Ok, so before we ever left the hospital with Piper (after she was born), we talked with Dr. Duncan of BCCH at Surrey MH and he drew out this lovely diagram of Piper's condition etc, etc. He wrote down a bunch of numbers for us, people to contact and call etc. Anyways, in the midst of all of that, he said "next time you come to BCCH, we'll give you this special book about heart conditions". Ok, kinda cool. I love books. But really, I had no idea what to expect.

It turns out that a lot of thought has gone into stuff like this. I wanted to show you all the amount of work that has gone into preparing parents for this kind of thing. Man, these people are really on the ball!

Here is the lovely cover of the binder of info (nice and colorful, and easy to read!)

Then, there is just more specific info on exactly what will be happening to Piper when she has her heart surgery. They are constantly thinking of the parents. So nice.

Then they have everything nicely organized for all the situations that will come up, pre-surgery. Lots of diagrams and words of encouragement, and really helpful, honest information. They tell you exactly what will happen to your baby the whole way through.

The part I especially like are the little quotes along the sides of all the pages from other parents who have gone through all of this, and are commenting on certain aspects of having your child have heart surgery. They are quite encouraging :)

Anyways, just singing the praise of this hospital and all its going through to keep our baby safe.

The nurse for Dr. Duncan called the other day to just see how I was feeling about Piper's angiogram and if I had any questions. Like, genuine concern. Yeah, I've never met this woman, but she was awesome. She gave me more info for the day of and gave me some reassurance of how standard this is (they do 10 of these a week!)

She also said that once the doctors and surgeons have the results of the angiogram, they will discuss them as a panel (yeah, like a whole bunch of really smart doctors all talking about how best to help our baby!) and decide when would be the best date for surgery (the Dr has mentioned mid-November, but they will then solidify it- who knows, maybe the results will change something?). They will let us know within about a week or so of her angiogram when surgery will be.

That makes me feel really relieved. I would love to pencil a date down in my book. I need something to aim towards, to count days off. I need the visual of the days creeping nearer.

I feel as though I will soon be able to see an end point, when we can really start relaxing.

Big breath.

On another note, with Piper having 2 teeth now, we pulled out her spoons and let her play with them, as she is all the more closer to being ready to eat. She can grab them all on her own, and like everything else, goes straight in her mouth. We haven't started solids yet (she is just barely 5 months), but I think she'll be pretty eager for them!