Comparing the scar.

Just for fun, I mocked up a little comparison of Piper and her scar.

The left side is Piper in early December, when we thought her surgery might be soon. She was 7 months old. The right side is Piper about 2 weeks post-surgery. She is 11 months old.

I think it is almost a creepy sort of image, just because I recognize both of those babies, but the younger Piper seems so foreign to me now. Look at how chubby she was! Her face was so different, her eyes looked smaller and she just seems less, well, old. I guess that makes sense, no?

She is a much leaner baby now. No belly, skinny little legs and not as much flab in general. Oh Piper, my girl. Celebrate this time in your life when you can wallow in the fact that you are encouraged to be fat and rolly-polly. I am sending you waves and waves of forgiveness for all the years you are going to be bombarded with lies that it is not alright to be chubby. You are so beautiful, and always will be: with or without rolls.

Sigh.

Right now, I catch myself looking at her scar sometimes, and i am still amazed at all that happened in that little body only 1 month ago. Unreal. I try to touch is sometimes, but she often pushes my hand away. When I do get a feel, it is quite smooth, but there must be some scar tissue built up behind it because there is quite a ridge. When she wears a tight shirt, you can see the bump through it.

But I don't think she is bothered by it. Only a few times have I caught her yanking at her collar in annoyance, or fiddling with her zipper up around her neck. Maybe she still feels it is sensitive.

But looking more, I realize, that is it! That is all she is left with! One scar. For all of the waiting, the wondering, the hold-ups, the tests, the questions, the answers, the tears, fears and failures: all she is left with is a scar. How wonderful.

She won't remember any of this time, or at least (and hopefully) not enough to seriously damage her. She will have this scar, like a tattoo on her for the rest of her life (even is she chooses plastic surgery later), but it is a part of her, like an arm or an eye. This scar tells such a great part of her story. How brave and resilient and unique she is.

I pray that as a female, she won't ever feel self conscious about it; that she'll wear v-necks and tube tops (ok, maybe not tube tops) and bathing suits that showcase her scar, not hide it. What an experience. What a journey. What a life so far! And the only reminder of all of this is one scar. And her perfect heart.